Everyone should be Gay

~J~'s guide to becoming Glitterati

Sometimes you feel like a schmuck March 17, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jarrett AdCock @ 7:28 pm

So I was going through some of my stuff that I have written; Mostly it sucks.

Mostly I am a different person than I was 2 years ago when I wrote it.

I think this is why I do it.

To time capsule myself.

To leave a tiny bit of irrelevant internet litter.  But to leave something.

I like to allow myself a few Delusions of Grandeur.

Becoming a great author.  Leaving a great tome or collection of wise words to live on forever immortalizing my name.  People could say “I knew him when…”

Becoming a broadway actor.  Standing on a stage before 100′s of people all captivated by me.  Sitting on the edge of their seats enamored with my look and skill.  The grace I exude, or comedic effect either way they are my captives.

These are just Delusions but I feel knowing and accepting them for that is healthy, somehow.

So this space; this world of J GLitter is a mockery but a cathartic one.

And if nothing else, a speck of my DNA imprinted forever in the World Wide Web.

Much like a hobo wandering through the airport leaving dirty fingerprints on trash bins.

Wow!

I am now “That guy.”

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I been Strokin’ September 17, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jarrett AdCock @ 3:57 pm
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Hello interwebs, Glitterati, Newcomers, Old friends,

Welcome to the J Glitter Show where everyone wins a prize. That prize is wasted time on the internet. YAY!
I know it has been awhile since I have posted. For this I am sorry. There have been some hiccups in my life which I am now rectifying. I won’t go into the smaller ones now but I will try to quickly bring you up to speed.

On October 16th 2012 I Stroked in public.
Yup at 5:30 on a Tuesday my beautiful brain was maliciously attacked by a cruel blood clot.

blood clot from hell

Bastard.

How did a blood clot get to my brain you ask?  Well the little sneaky coalescence of my own glittery juice catapulted from the correct atrium to incorrect atrium through an atrial septal defect I was born with.

atrialseptal defect

Unfortunately, in Tennessee in the 80′s we did not check babies for such common things.  Go Vols!

 Glitter Badge

Therefore, having a hole in my heart, a simply clot that would have gone to my lungs and been filtered out there; launched itself  upwards to my brain and instead of oxygenating my brain cells and increasing my ever-growing ever shocking intellect.  This collection of glitter (which we all know runs through these veins) cut the flow of happy juice to my synapses killing a lemon sized section of my parietal lobe and my optical nerve.

HumanBrain

As you can imagine there was some slight complications to a chunk of brain tissue dying.  My whole right side of my body became useless which is ridiculously startling to be sure.  Also having blood on the brain is the worst headache imaginable.  Then becoming aware that my right eye has abandoned me really tops the cake.

shitcake

So then I go through the stages of grief

Denial:  “I cannot have had a stroke, I’m 27 and healthy.  I’m a non smoking, 4 mile a day running, vegetarian who occasionally does yoga.  There’s no way I could have one of those.”

Anger:  “Stupid birth defect, damn you smoking mother, Marfan’s disease (self diagnosed), Betrayed by your body

Bargaining:  I skipped this stage, no one to bargain with

Depression: “I will never run again, I am going to get fat, I am old and decrepit, woe is me, my face might droop, What if I get a lazy eye.”

Acceptance:  “I’ve gotten all my motor skills back and most of my vision.  I am Great (as always).”

But throughout the time of this emotional shit storm; I enjoyed staying at the “Wonderful Indian River Hospital!”

In case you didn’t feel the sarcasm

sarcasm

Then as if this wasn’t enough; my mother came to visit.  After an 8 year hiatus…  Mommy issues aside it wasn’t the best two weeks of my life.

After they found the hole and ascertained all of the damage done without insurance I was surreptitiously ejected out of the hospital and back in to Gen Pop with a fresh prescription for rat poison.

warfarin

How excited am I?

After adjusting to the permanent peripheral vision loss in mostly my right but also my left eye; lowered Depth perception; and short-term memory loss, I’m just as Fantastic as before if now just a bit more wacky.  Gotta Love me.

With this new lease on life I am becoming a much more positive, glittery me.  I will be sending you more rainbows and cupcakes, and hopefully some good laughs soon.

Thank you all for bearing with me, being there to support me, and helping me to realize, “Everything is temporary!”temporary

Until next time Glitter On Bitches!

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Who me?! June 11, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jarrett AdCock @ 8:47 pm
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Oh my Panties!!!
I have just received another obscure award!!!

Lettuce Be Clear is the sweetest fucking blogger ever. This Bitch just throws awards around like I toss around my genitalia!
Because this hooker keeps thinking of my gay ass I must:

Answer the ten interview-style questions below:
What is your favorite Song:
Anything that mentions glitter, Ke$ha, Jesse J, P!nk

What is your favorite dessert:
Tiramasu or my husbands

What ticks you off:
Tacky, horse people, using the last of the lubrication without replacing it.

When you’re upset, what do you do?
Drink… what else?

Which is/was your favorite pet:
Favorite?! You aren’t suppose to have favorites….
*cough* Marilyn *cough*
That is horrible to ask. Why would any parent separate the love they have for their children. Favorite! *scoff*.
*Marilyn Marilyn MARILYN*

Which do you prefer to wear: Black or White?
Really?
You ask?
Hmm
I thought you knew me.
Well in that case, both. I likes to wear them both.
With black as the base, of course.

What is your biggest fear?
Someone hateful will slip carcass in my food.
Also I fear those hateful anti nature creature with far too many legs known as spiders.
Anything running around on more than 6 legs is just a freak of fucking nature.
I step on you.
(AKA yell at husband to deal with your ass)

What is your attitude, mostly?
Dramatic
Calm
Over the top
Quiet
Gay
Really what kind of question is this?
It is like asking what tampon I prefer.
*Wide set, obviously*

What is perfection?

‘nough said.

What is your guilty pleasure?
Facebook.
I am just narcissistic enough to immerse myself in the comments and likes of others towards my posts.

Now I have to share ten random facts about myself. I’m really not interesting so feel free to skip this part.

10. My nickname in high school was Yoda
9. I fight chronic ocd
8. I love horseradish sauce
7. I drool during sleep
6. I am a Capricorn to a T
5. I hate shoes
4. I fear becoming my mother
3. Kissing is my biggest turn on
2. Foreign accents make me excited
1. I am happy in a poly amorous relationship

Now you may thank your god I am through with the about me section and can talk about others

http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/

This lady not only has crotch parasites in the amount of 3 but she runs a non-profit organization to help those in need.
Yeah we try not to talk about how jealous I am of her achievements.
Also her son may be FF A and she thinks it is just as awesome as I do.

http://mygramofsoma.blogspot.com/

My sister proving she is better than me at both word play and wifery.
One day I will win, maybe at scattegories.

http://mid20somethinglifecrisis.blogspot.com/

This bitch *said with love* makes life in ny sound more glamorous than Carrie Bradshaw could ever think of.

http://justmakingconvo.com/

World traveler and funny aficionado galore. If she doesn’t leave you in stitches well then you have no sense of humor.

http://www.whenredmeansgo.com/

A sassy Miami momma that will keep you wanting more from her mouth and her drunken rampages.

http://abbyhasissues.com/

As witty as she is gregarious. This fellow veg head will make you laugh and want to adopt a kitten.

http://ohnoa.com/

The creator of funny bitches and their league.
I give you Noa the best of the best!

Now spread the love and my message.

Glitter on my sprites!

 

It does get better May 20, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jarrett AdCock @ 1:41 pm
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Typically,I would spend this fine day drinking and playing with my dogs on the beach and in the ocean.
This day, however, the loveable peter pan and the adorable baby glitter wish to pierce scaly finned friends.

I would have much preferred to stay in and watch an all day project runway marathon.  Alas, the gorgeous 83° sunshine and cloudless sky are begging for us to come out and play.

Thank God Bill Gates my phone and my tablet allow me to be with you wherever I should roam.

Except Wal-mart, that place is evil.

So here I sit in the glorious Florida sun yet again watching my boys currently not even get a bite.

But this my glittery gays and gals is not why I have brought you here. I have gathered you here on this fine day to travel back, way back (not that far back) to my freshman year at college and my coming out of the closet.

Now to be fair I had already told a few people I trusted and they cared more about why I was dressed badly (I have always been frugal but style came later).
The year is 2003 the season is autumn and the time was around 6.
I am at the gym running gangly on the treadmill.
In the zone jamming to cascada or some other techno goodness. My besty Bekah Lekah, worked at the smoothie shop where typically we sat drinking fruit smoothies drooling over how yummy the muscled men are.

Rebekah Jean, normally quite aware to ignore me when I am sweaty, taps me on my shoulder. Jolted out of the vicious cycle of shin splints and sore ankles, I almost fall off the damned thing. Once her laughter is contained she informs me that my mother just called her.
“What?!”
Knowing my mother only had my cell and not BL’s this news was highly disturbing.
“yeah she says she needs to talk to you.”
Going to the smoothie shop I picked up the receiver and say, “hello?”
“JGlitter (not my actual name) this is momma you need to call me from somewhere private.”
“But I have 30 more minutes of…”
“Now!”

Hanging up I tell BL I’ll see her later and run out the door to my dorm.
Might as well do as much exercise as possible, no one likes a flabby queer.
Once in my room I see that my answering machine is full.
(yes long ago in an obsolete world we had land lines with answering machines.)
Deciding to listen to a few before calling back I am still not aware what emergency is so important to interrupt my man ogling and my fat burning.
Opening my sexy flip phone and extending the antenna for optimal reception, I notice 27 missed calls and even more messages.
-what on earth?
-someone must have died.
-scanning family members on my death poll mentally I’ve narrowed it down to 3.

Hitting one of the missed numbers, my phone dials my mother’s house.
On the first ring she answers.
“JGlitter?”
She’s been crying. Tears thick in her throat, she questions my whereabouts and my solitude.
Reassuring her I was alone in my dorm room. I then inquire as to how she got my dorm number, BL’s cell, her work, and her sister’s cell numbers.
“A mother has ways,” she answered.
-Great. I love vague creepiness.
“okay,” I say, “what’s so blessed important.”
“I have two questions to ask you. The first one we can deal with.”
Have you been drinking?”
“I drink everyday. Water, juice, sometimes smoothies.”
“Don’t be a smart ass!” she retorts.
Continuing with her inquisition,”Have you drank alcoholic beverages?”
“Yes.” I bravely answered.
“OK, they have programs and rehab for that,” sobs building in her voice.
(Yes in my family one of something “bad” makes you a burning in hell addict.)

I will take this time out to explain that I grew up in a dry county. In fact, it was surrounded by dry counties. The only way to get any alcohol besides rubbing was to drive 2 counties over and smuggle it back.
Never seeing alcohol until college I must confess my fear on the matter of imbibing was quite intense.
My first dance with the Lady vodka was very memorable I’ll tell you all that story another time.

Back to the story at hand.
“Now for the hard question. I need you to be honest with me.
“Do you have a boyfriend?” panic in her voice.
My mouth dry, my palms moistened, and my words tumbled. I answered truthfully and coldly, “no.”
“Why have ‘people’ been saying that you have?”
*I still to this day do not know who these “people” are.

In a split second I decided to be done with it.
“Well I did have one but we broke up.”
At this point, hysterics and cursing ensue followed by my uncle getting on the phone.
Somehow the agreement that I was coming home that weekend to “talk” this out happened and I hang up the phone.
The coming home part on a good weekend involves;
packing enough clothes for a week, although it is 3 days
a 4.5 hour drive one way
sleeping on the couch bed (my room was storage)

This weekend will be so much more, “fun”.

Weary, apprehensive, and hungry I pull up to mom’s driveway only to see 15+ vehicles in said driveway and on the lawn.
Dialing with my handy-dandy cellular talking device I explain to her that I will be going up the road a ways to a location undetermined. Should I return in 30 minutes and all the automobiles not be removed from the property. I will then in fact turn my happy gay ass around and drive directly to my college campus.

Upon my return to the vicinity only her trusty blazer sat upon the apex of the hill that was her property.
Pulling up to that door was the most stressful thing I have ever done in my life. (Even more than the first kiss)
Slightly trembling I grab my bags and my courage and half run half stumble to the side door.
There she stood looking out at me with water stains and confusion clouding her face.
Our embrace was real and strong as though we were trying to remember this hug as always. Holding on to this moment before we cross the hypothetical bridge that just so happens to be burning down around us.
We sit on the back patio and she lights up her Marlboro light 100. While looking me over with a mother’s eye she unscrewed the lid on her trusty Diet Pepsi.
“You’re too skinny,” as she exhales the calming nicotine.
Chuckling, I explain, “I’ve been working out.”
“You need to eat,” she admonishes.
There is some more meaningless catch up banter. Both wanting to know what the other is thinking. Neither brave enough to pull the trigger on the loaded gun.
At this point my memories blur.
It is best to say that it did not end like a Friday night sitcom special.
I drove away that Sunday afternoon feeling sick, war beaten, and for the first time in my 18 year-long life alone.
Terrible, irrefutable singularity.
My blood relatives admittedly may be crazy and/or ridiculous but we have always been Family.
This time, this time I knew a rift had formed. One that would not be closing any time soon.
I explained that I. AM. Gay.
She explained that she sees that as an abomination worthy only of hell.
Furthermore over the next year we deduced that should I continue to be this way that I was not allowed back.
This news, although bitter and barbed to swallow, amazingly got much easier to swallow with time.
This Christmas marks the eighth year since I have been home. Were it not for my mother and sister driving to see me.
Told here.

And here.

It would be 8 years since I have laid eyes on them.

I know this sounds depressing and is horrible but this is my It Gets Better.

Within the past 9 years I have acquired
a loving family that I chose. One that loves me for all of me.
I have a wonderful career.
Fagtastic friends.
Beautiful dogs.
Miraculous memories.
Irrevocable strength.
Immeasurable courage.

All of which I acquired on my own. Without them.
I thank them everyday for my foundation and my genetics. I however do will not let that be a reason to keep me down or hold me back.
I glitter before you today know that this little light of mine.
By the Late Donna Summers I’m gonna let it shine. And there is not one goddamned soul that will ever be able to take that away.

So make your own light and blow up the sun with its brightness.
For only you can create it. Not those that created you.

Glitter on my sprites and share your light and love to all those around you.
Through joy can we destroy hate.

 

Red wine made me do it. May 17, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jarrett AdCock @ 12:11 am
Tags: , , , , ,

Well there is at least 41 of you bastards still reading this bull hockey.
Thank you!

I appreciate all the feed back I received over the infantile attempt at literature I exposed you to.
Therefore, beware you will be tortured with more.

Luckily for you, this post will be all kinds of the stuff you are accustomed to.
Cupcakes shat from Unicorn asses and glitter pissed from Fairy genitalia.






Sorry WAY too many options!!!
So the point of this post of happy-tastic madness is the need to stay positive.

Our world is shit.
The reality we all live in is utterly deplorable on any given day, if we so choose to think about it in that manner.

The truth is, we as Americans and some foreigners are spoiled brats.

I know I am, but well look at me! Shouldn’t I be?

Not to mention most the time when we are having a shitty day or a horrible month or the most disgusting past few years the reality is that it is not, in fact, outside forces but the truth of the matter is that we ourselves are assholes.

Stupid joy sucking pieces of shit that ruin the existence of all of those around us.

That is why at work I decided to choke every mother/father fucking individual with my glittery goodness.

So I have decided to start shirts/bracelets/hats/anythingelseyoucanobnoxiouslyweartoannoyothers that read W.W.G.D.

Like this but WAY more gay!

What Would GLITTER Do?!

With this motto you can efficiently go through your day knowing you have made life easier on someone.

As we all should realize, One less douche bag munching twat waffle in the world is one less person to feed to the zombies come 12/12/2012.

With that being said we really should revere the fucktard hate mongering tools and stockpile all their negativity to save our hides come the apocalypse.
On the other hand though, who can stand to deal with the soul sucking vagina munchers until then?
Not me that’s who.

Therefore, drown them with bubble breaks and glitter bombs not to mention so many “Great Morning”s that they have a coronary and bleed out on the tacky laminate flooring.

YAY!

Okay glitterites buzz is ending and sleep is calling.

Wet dreams and hot lawn guys to you all.

Love it, hate it, share it, comment on it,

 

Sometimes I play a writer on tv. May 15, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jarrett AdCock @ 6:50 am
Tags: , , , , ,

This is a bit of my baby. Please be harsh in your judgements. I haven’t shared before but must toughen my skin in order to brave the world I so long to live.

A constant war.
  Struggling with demons, he blots his hair and neckline in the mirror.
Clutching the sides of the sink he checks his pupils for the telltale signs of his defenses being broken.
Assuring himself that all is well, he heads for the door.  Hands steadied and stride altered to show his dominance he exits his sanctum.

The hall is filled with the grandest, the brightest, the most influential, elite.  Tables lined and decorated most elegantly for the occasion.  No expense spared.  Truly a spectacle of Royalty.

This evening anyone who is anyone is here at the Eden Roc Renaissance in Miami.  Summer behind them the holiday season upon them all were reveling in the merry making.  So enjoying themselves not a soul noticed the time bomb amongst them.

Gen, Genevieve, to her mother, lounged languid and luxurious with her dirty martini watching it all with her detective trained eye.  Noticing the sparkle of gowns, the crease of pants, the subtle caresses and clandestine glances, aware of each offense, offender, and victim.  She was born to find dirt and air out the filthy laundry of others.  Gen relished her gift of insight.  Able to read body language and facial cues was her everything.  It kept her safe.  Protected her and even saved her life a few times.  She utilized this now to extract every secret from all the elite.  Jotting mental notes and gathering a story for the Herald like a raven with her nest materials she watched.

He stood behind the pillars nursing his Glenlivet. Tremors under control for the moment, he surveys the room. The men each more regal than the last, parade like peacocks for their mates. Their dates shimmering like stars before dawn teasing and staying just out of reach. Himself not an unattractive man but he knew instinctively his place was not amongst these aristocrats. “Rubbing elbows” never really his forte, yet here he was fighting to stay in control. Hiding his fear from his predators he lurked among them searching for their Achilles heel.
Leaving his haven he traversed the room. At the hor-dourves was when he noticed her. The expanse of her legs initially caught his eye. The line her legs made from her neat ankles crossed to the smooth well toned thigh exposed by the slit in her dress stifled his breath. Allowing his eyes to creep further up past her slight hips and flat stomach he found himself gazing leisurely at her exposed chest framed by two perky breasts. Her arms outstretched in such an arrogant open gesture she appeared as a Queen judging her court. Continuing his ocular feast up her long slender neck he felt her. Finding himself unable to part his vision from her stern plump lips he eventually met her feline like green eyes and new as the mouse does that he could be devoured by her should she care. Emboldened by her gaze he lost himself there.
Like a forest at dusk the golden brown ignited the green. In her scrutiny he lost himself. Relaxing till walls began to crumble he conceded to her inspection. Gen touched the part of him he kept locked away and he shuddered. This brought him back. Back to his surroundings. To the cacophony of revelers. To reality.
And he ran, God help him he ran.
His sinewy legs took up the rhythm they knew all to well. He fled Gen’s sight. Taken aback by the abrupt manner that the handsome stranger bolted Gen adjusted her dress, killed her martini, and headed to the powder room.
Not knowing what to make of her admirer or his sudden fear, she pondered his moist brow and the way his body “felt” like taut electrical wire. And what a body, his three piece suit did nothing to hide yet everything to accentuate his well built back and statuesque posture. Moodily she checked her reflection for flaws.

Unfortunately, his barriers were far to weak to feel safe in the city now. No, because of this woman he would lose himself tonight and the only place still safe to do that is the Everglades. So once again he disappeared into the night trying to initiate a controlled burning of his soul. For Lucia validated losing to his demons as long as it was on his terms.

Seriously
Judge it, comment on it, share it, praise it, condemn it, just tell me about it.

 

It may not be full of Glitter but by Julie Newmar it is Important!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jarrett AdCock @ 5:57 am
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And they are off.
That’s right my last remaining faithful Glitterati.

The two men in my life are off with the Harlequin Photographer to do an international ad campaign for some hoity-toity french jewelry line.

I would have gone but seeing as how it is not going to be about moi well I lost interest quickly.

Great news for all of you is that with this lack of homo-rones around the house I can actually find time FOR Y’ALL!!

Since I have missed out on millions of fantagulous things I will start most recent and roll backwards.

Now I know that while I have been absent I have lost readers.
Sorry.
Don’t be so blessed A.D.D.

I also know that first out of the hatch I should be more rainbows and Unicorn piss, BUT mommy’s day was a couple days ago and it really got me going not to mention this video which has been circulating every media feed I have.

Now sorry to cause you all to cry but for real people.
This is my biggest fear.
Coming from a family that does not appreciate, respect, or truly love the Fabulous person that I am, they could EASILY do this to my precious Peter Pan.

So please I implore you. The next time someone spews forth that their religion says homosexuality is wrong. How on this green Earth is hurting thousands of thousands of HUMANS ever right?
ESPECIALLY to a “creator?”
Wow he must be one helluva “Father.”
Thanks but no thanks, “Dad.”

Okay sarcasm aside.
I’m closing this one to give you a glittery one.
Sorry again but it had to be done.
Now for some Bailey’s in my coffee!

 

 
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